Jason Kelce set the standard.
There was never a speech like his parade address — a detailed, alcohol and love fueled oration for the ages at the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum steps — before, and will never be one again.
A handful of Eagles players, coaches and executives tried to put their spin on the storied parade speech Friday at The Oval in Philly, at the tail end of the team's Super Bowl celebration parade Friday.
Anyone who has the courage to stand up in front of more than one million fans deserves some credit. But these are professional athletes, millionaires and public figures. It's our job to hold them accountable.
Our grades on their speeches are based on three factors.
- First, the delivery. Was it energetic? Were they easily heard and annunciating?
- Second, the content of their speech. Was it generic or memorable? Did it seem like they were prepared or going off the cuff.
- And finally, was it memorable? Were there any zingers, one-liners? Did they say anything to send the fans into a frenzy?
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Bundled and standing on the fountain in front of the Rocky Steps, I wrote up my report card for the Eagles from the program of the 2025 Super Bowl LIX Parade. Overall, the energy was great. This is a very likable, even lovable team. They are young and talented and seem to get the city they play for.
That being said, there was no show-stopper, headliner type speech this year. Which is okay. The game and the team were more than memorable enough. There were also quite a few bleeps needed for television broadcasts. The grades:
Nick Sirianni — C-
Sirianni didn't seem overly prepared and sounded like he was partying all day, nothing wrong with that. The busses did take about a three-hour stroll down Broad Street with beer aplenty. He was mostly generic in his remarks, delivered in his folksy manner. He seemed all business. He could have pouted out his chest, as he's overcome as much as any player on the roster after his disastrous 2023 season but he was humble and very much himself.
Curse word count: 0
Howie Roseman — C
The Eagles' GM spoke incredibly briefly. If Sirianni was feeling good, Roseman was feeling great, cigar in hand as he told fans "I bleed for this city."
Curse word count: 0
Jalen Hurts — B+
Hurts is usually a very reserved and calculated interviewee during the season, keeping his personality close to his chest. In his speech you could see some nerves early, but he did loosen up. Perhaps his media tour from the week has helped him a little — from a parade at Disney World to The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon — the Super Bowl MVP made sure to thank every position group (even special teams). After a much publicized "feud" with head coach Sirianni, it was notable that he thanked the coach, saying he "sees s**t though." His most memorable portion was a story about how it was his first time at the Rocky steps. He won't ever have a better one.
Curse word count: 1
A.J. Brown — B+
Brown opened by yelling "Adrian!" Immediate bonus points. He was self-aware, addressing criticisms that he is diva-like. He also dropped an F-bomb in the short speech.
Curse word count: 1
Saquon Barkley — C
Barkley was forgettable at the mic, but did bring up Ryan Quigley — a survivor from the recent New Orleans terrorist attack. Classy move from a player who is all class. He also made sure his offensive line was right there behind him, making for an easy transition to the ensuing speeches. Barkley kept the foul language flying with an F-bomb.
Curse word count — 1
Jordan Mailata — B
The charming Australian didn't have a lot to say with his distinct accent, but his beautiful voice joined the Philly faithful in a "We are the Champions" rendition.
Curse word count: 0
Landon Dickerson — B-
Lacking a ton of substance or creativity, the star guard reached new heights by swearing a team-best five times. He also shouted out several Eagles fan strongholds like Delco and Montco.
Curse word count: 5
CJ Gardner-Johnson — C+
The safety spoke from the heart about his sadness in leaving the team for a year to play for the Lions in between Super Bowls. He also got a loud chant in the crowd "B-T-A" going which we'll include as being one curse word for our tracker. He dropped two F-bombs as well.
Curse word count: 3
Lane Johnson — B-
Johnson's delivery was lacking a bit and he thanked a lot of people, the most memorable line was a "big dick Nick" joke as he mused on about people who helped teach him to be a champion.
Curse word count: 0
Big Dom — A-
The head of Eagles security — or whatever the hell his job is these days — gave a "speech" at a championship parade. Only in this city. "Yo Philly, I love ya," and out. High marks all around.
Curse word count: 0
The "Exciting Whites" — B-
The Caucasian stars spoke together at the dais, as Reed Blankenship, Dallas Goedert and Cooper DeJean split time at the podium. It was mostly a generic speech until they broke unto Meek Mill's "Dreams and Nightmares."
Curse word count: 0
Darius Slay — C
Slay spoke from the heart and gave love to rookie cornerbacks DeJean and Quinyon Mitchell in his short speech.
Curse word count: 0
Brandon Graham — B+
In a sentimental and classy move, the ceremony was closed by Graham, who is set to retire — we think — sometime in the next few months. He was drafted by the Eagles in 2010 when Andy Reid was still the head coach and is one of four two-time Super Bowl champions in the city's history. He dropped an F-bomb, but saved his best for last, leading the crowd in a chant a la Kelce in 2018 of "we're from Philly, f****ing Philly, no one likes us, we don't care."
Curse word count: 2
Additional shoutouts go out to Governor Josh Shapiro, Mayor Cherelle Parker and Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie for their speeches at the top of the program.
The full speeches can be watched here:
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