The birth of my grandson Luca a little more than nine years ago was a blessing. My relationship with him is extremely fulfilling and a strong source of motivation to live healthy. As a bonus, the science suggests Luca benefits from hanging out with his "Dida," as he calls me, and there's also research that shows intergenerational relationships can help older adults stay energized — something I've witnessed firsthand.
So, with all this positivity emanating from our relationship could there actually be a downside to Luca’s entry into my life?
Before Luca was born, my son Anthony and I took an annual trip to Florida to see the Phillis in spring training. Over an extended weekend, we’d catch a few games, get some sun and enjoy great meals. It was a ritual we really enjoyed as we strengthened our father-son bond, and I got a dose of inspiration to stay healthy.
It was a routine that we repeated for several years — until Luca was born. Yes, my little blessing and love of my life was now the top priority for Anthony and my daughter-in-law Colleen. Our spring training trips were put on hold to accommodate Luca — until now.
After extended deliberations and some trial runs to the Tampa Bay area, Luca and Anthony have determined it's time to reinstitute the Bezich family's spring training ritual, this time with a trifecta of grandfather, father and son. I’m thrilled.
We’ll head down Thursday night, watch games Friday and Saturday, and then fly back to Philadelphia on Sunday. It's just enough time to pass on the experience to another generation while balancing school and work schedules. As Luca has pointed out to me, this is the first time he and I will be flying together. For my part, I’ve offered to engage Luca in one of my go-to, preflight restaurants at Philadelphia International Airport, and, if he’s good, maybe even treat him to some Phillies swag before we board the plane for Tampa.
Anthony has the tickets and the rental car all set. On Friday, we drive to Bradenton to watch the Phils play the Pirates. Then it’s a home game against the Blue Jays on Saturday. To cap the days, we’ll grab dinner at some of our favorite dinner spots in Tampa, giving Luca the full experience and the opportunity to build bonds with his father and grandfather.
How father-son bonds shape development
Anthony and I enjoyed our spring training rituals and now look to extend the experience to Luca. While our feelings were the byproduct of our time spent together, the science suggests that what we felt, and the closeness we developed, was not a one-off. Building Boys, an organization founded by Jennifer L. W. Fink, a mother of four boys, says father-son bonding is a “powerful thing" that provides benefits to fathers and sons.
Children find unique acceptance in their relationships with grandparents, conveying benefits emotionally and mentally, experts say. Conversely, grandparents need children and grandchildren. The love that flows between generations can provide deep satisfaction. Other experts suggest father-son bonds shape the transition from boyhood to adulthood and play a significant role in shaping boys' emotional, social and cognitive development — key ingredients in producing a well-rounded, confident and emotionally healthy individual.
Also, the Journal Parenting: Science and Practice reports that men who had involved fathers as children and maintain good, continuing relationships with their fathers form stronger relationships with their children.
There are many ways to strengthen familial bonds – including trips
Our spring training trip likely falls within the “spend time together” category of relationship-building tactics, but it represents one of the many ways experts cite to strengthen the relationship between fathers and sons.
According to digital gateway Goodnet.org, a nonprofit focused on doing good, fathers can strengthen bonds with their sons by being good role models, maintaining open communication, nurturing emotional intelligence and celebrating achievements. As for bonding with adult sons, the nonprofit Whatadad believes it is important that fathers respect their sons' choices and opinions, even if they differ from their own, and embrace shared challenges in which fathers and sons can learn from each other’s strengths and weaknesses, build trust and celebrate achievements.
As for grandfathers, the National Association for Grandparenting says “grandchildren thrive when grandparents are proactive in supporting and developing a relationship with their grandchildren and grandparents thrive when they are actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives.”
The National Association for Grandparenting offers four things boys need from their grandfathers. This includes a grandfather who is planning for all dimensions of his grandson’s future, including the skills, values and attitudes they’ll need for success. The organization also suggests grandfathers can influence the regulation of a young man’s emotions and demonstrate good communication skills. The third area of impact is moral and spiritual benchmarking, such as respect for authority. And fourth is love and the demonstration of affection to boost the development of positive self-esteem.
Looking back to look ahead
As a single dad in my 30s with two young sons, I had no choice. I had to be very much engaged in all aspects of the boys’ lives, well beyond the traditional role of a dad. While there were challenges, I developed a deep appreciation for the father-son relationship. I took the boys on trips that mimic the spring training rituals I practice today. Maybe my instinct with my adult sons is a carryover from these early days, and perhaps I’m building my relationship with Luca on this model.
Either way, what I did instinctually to make sure I cared for my sons turns out to be what the experts prescribe. Who knew? It just felt like the right thing to do.
As I look at restarting our spring training custom with Luca, I can’t help thinking about what the future may hold. Will he enjoy the trip? Could it be once and done? Might we eventually include my granddaughter Braleigh, now barely 2, when she grows a bit older? For now, I’ll just enjoy the weekend ahead and make the most of the time with my son and grandson, keeping the motivation to live healthy strong so I can enjoy many spring training trips in the years ahead.
Louis Bezich, senior vice president and chief administrative officer at Cooper University Health Care, is author of "Crack The Code: 10 Proven Secrets that Motivate Healthy Behavior and Inspire Fulfillment in Men Over 50." Read more from Louis on his website.
